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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29518587">Jonathan and Martin Sitting in the Archives K-I-S-S-I-N-G</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryQay/pseuds/MaryQay'>MaryQay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(Martin's mum misgendering him is mentioned), (Tim is an angry boy), Confrontation, Kissing, M/M, Relationship Negotiation, Trans Male Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:35:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,830</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29518587</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryQay/pseuds/MaryQay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Somehow the habit of casual kisses in the workplace starts. It doesn't have to mean anything but it's nice.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jonathan and Martin Sitting in the Archives K-I-S-S-I-N-G</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I MEANT FOR THIS TO BE FUNNY AND SOFT BUT SO MUCH ANGST CREPT IN I’M SORRY.<br/>honestly don’t know what i expected though, considering the source material i’m working with. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (also that’s just me. like, there’s a reason this podcast is my lifeblood atm. angst is me.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Martin has no idea how it started or who started it. He has vague memories of what they decided to call an “office party”. They had brought booze and food into the archives and played an eclectic mix of music genres on his laptop in an effort to lighten the mood. It had sort of worked. Martin remembers seeing Tim laugh. It had been mostly to humour him that Martin had indulged in more alcohol than he normally would and as a result later parts of the evening are a bit hazy. He remembers leaning on Jon at some point and Jon looking at him with an unfamiliar expression on his face. He may even have been smiling. Also he remembers Jon’s face being unusually close at that point.</p>
<p>Maybe Martin did something then. The thought makes him feel very cold, then very hot, and slightly nauseous, for fear of somehow having taken advantage of the situation and, god forbid, of Jon. Maybe it was him that started it, even though he cannot for the life of him imagine himself doing that.</p>
<p>Maybe one of the weird, malevolent things that seem to constantly have it out for Jon got to Martin and he is now living in a full blown delusion.</p>
<p>Whatever brought it on, Friday morning, the day after their party, because Tim said that if they were going to rebel against their evil employer they might as well do it properly and therefore on a weeknight, the Friday after, as Martin is standing at the break room kitchenette and making tea for everybody like he does every morning, Jon comes in. He steps right up to Martin who turns to look at the newcomer and is surprised to see that it is Jon who is usually already shut in his office at this time. Martin smiles at him and starts to say good morning when Jon leans in and gives him a quick peck directly on the mouth.</p>
<p>“Morning.”, he says and takes one of the mugs from the counter, the rounded one in soft blue that Martin usually brought his tea in. “Is this for me?”</p>
<p>Martin looks down at the mug, then at his own hands, paused in stirring sugar into Tim’s tea.</p>
<p>“Oh! Uh.. yeah, yes, it is. Um… morning.”</p>
<p>Jon smiles at him and leaves and Martin spends the next few hours wondering if he hallucinated the whole thing and then deciding that he is going to pretend as if he did.</p>
<p>By the end of the workday he has almost managed to forget about the whole encounter and checks in on Jon on his way out.</p>
<p>“Jon? I’m heading home for today. Are you planning on leaving soon?”</p>
<p>“Hm?” Jon looks up distractedly from the papers on his desk. “Oh… Yes, I…”</p>
<p>He pushes himself up from his chair and walks around his desk towards Martin, picking up the blue mug on the way which Martin had refilled for him twice today, its presence in Jon’s office confirming that it had somehow made its way there this morning when Martin did not remember bringing it there, instead distinctly remembering Jon picking it up in the break room and kissing Martin on the mouth while he was at it. Martin shakes his head lightly.</p>
<p>“I’ll just get one last cup of tea and call it a day after that. Are you all right?” Jon is looking up at him now and Martin realises he’s blocking the door, spacing out.</p>
<p>“What? Yes! I’m fine! Want me to make you that cup?”</p>
<p>“I am capable of making my own tea, you know?”</p>
<p>Martin smiles and lifts his shoulders up to his ears. Jon snorts and presses the mug into his chest.</p>
<p>“All right, Mr. Tea Connoisseur. Know that my pride only tolerates this because your tea does taste good.”</p>
<p>Martin is beaming as he follows Jon into the break room, where he puts his bag and jacket on the table to make tea for Jon. Jon watches him work, leaning against the counter beside him. And when Martin presents the finished cup of tea with a “Here you go” he takes it from him carefully and cradles it in his hands as he leans over it to kiss Martin. Again. On the mouth. Dry and brief and soft. Martin blinks.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Jon says. “Get home safe then. And have a good weekend.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you too.”, Martin says as Jon is already on his way back to his office. He waves over his shoulder when Martin calls after him: “Don’t work too hard!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jon doesn’t know how it started. He thinks he knows who started it, though he isn’t entirely sure the blame cannot be shifted one way or the other. Not that he would blame Martin, not at all. Himself maybe a little, but in all honesty he cannot quite convince himself of that either. What he does know is when it started. Kind of. The office party wasn’t anyone’s idea in particular, it just kind of started floating around, and he didn’t have the energy to dissuade the others. It hadn’t been too bad and it had been nice to see Tim and Martin laughing together and to watch Martin become progressively more giggly and more flushed as Daisy and Melanie joined forces in getting him drunk. And then Martin had at some point plastered himself to Jon’s side.</p>
<p>It hadn’t felt as oppressive as he might have thought it would. The archives have always been colder than the the rest of the institute and his sleeping habits have not been exactly conductive to healthy circulation. So Jon is kind of cold most of the time. But Martin next to him, bracketing him between his side and his arm behind Jon, was very warm and after a moment of hesitation Jon found himself leaning into him. Martin didn’t try to put his arm around Jon’s shoulders or his hand anywhere on him, and yet their position was deliberate and intimate in a way that made Jon’s head feel light. While positioned next to each other like that he remembers laughing quietly to himself, probably about something Tim had said. And in the next moment there was a soft press against his cheek, a ghost of breath against the side of his face, gone as quickly as it had come. He dared not move a moment too long and when he turned his head Martin was not looking at him anymore, but back to smiling towards the others, his cheeks flushed from the alcohol. And as Jon continued to stare at him, wondering if he had imagined the whole thing, Martin turned back to smile down at him and the smile was infectious and then Martin had kissed him. It was brief as the kiss to his cheek and chaste like the kisses Jon had seen Georgie exchange with her mother and siblings.</p>
<p>Unable to even imagine that this kiss had not been real, because of how close Martin’s face still was, Jon had faltered for a moment, then gave a crooked, uncertain smile. Martin grinned a little dazedly and leaned slightly into Jon, jostling him. Jon darted a glance at the others when Martin turned his gaze back towards the room. Nobody was even looking at them, Basira and Daisy may have been in their private little discussion and both Tim and Melanie appeared to be either involved in the conversation or having their own, gesticulating with their drinks, volume raised by drunkenness.</p>
<p>Throughout the rest of the evening Martin had ever returned to Jon’s side, making endearingly confused tipsy conversation, and sharing food and drink. Jon had been weirdly helpless against just letting it happen and it had been genuinely quite lovely to experience Martin so unselfconscious. Jon had, in fact, been shocked at his own surprise at how pleasant Martin actually was to be around. It might have been that which made him drink his second beer a tad too quickly. He blames the resulting tipsiness for making him lean in for the same quick, chaste kiss as before, when Martin plopped down on the sofa next to him and handed him a single biscuit. As a thank you, he reasoned, pulling back from Martin’s soft, smiling mouth and taking a bite of his biscuit. He had seen people do that. A brief touch of lips against a cheek or against lips to signal gratitude for a small gesture. Perfectly normal.</p>
<p>The evening continued and eventually petered out with Martin hanging around Jon and Jon being somewhat confused and somewhat lightheaded. But neither of them went in for another kiss until they all parted ways at the nearest underground station. Then Martin gave him a hug and it was so unexpected and so gentle and encompassing that Jon found himself frozen. Martin didn’t seem to notice, but to be fair he was well and truly drunk at this point. He pressed a kiss to Jon’s cheek.</p>
<p>“Get home safe! Drink lots of water!” He slurred slightly with bright eyes and flushed cheeks.</p>
<p>Jon nodded dumbly and Martin smiled and squeezed one of his hands. Then he spun around, waved a broad goodbye at the others and stumbled away towards one of the underground lines.</p>
<p>Jon’s gaze darted to Tim who was also definitely drunk and staring at him with an unreadable expression. Melanie looked puzzled and was staring in the direction in which Martin had disappeared. Basira and Daisy were looking at him with almost identically raised eyebrows. He quickly made his excuses, wishing all of them a good night and a safe trip home, and left. He went in the wrong direction and ended up just walking through the night streets of London until he got to the next station to get on the right train, thinking about Martin the whole way and about how he would have liked that last kiss to have been another on the lips instead of his cheek. Also about how he hoped both that Martin would and would not forget about the whole thing come morning.</p>
<p>Jon has not forgotten any of it on Friday morning. He leaves his office door open and so can clearly hear the others arriving and eventually Martin making his way into the break room to start on the first round of tea for the day. After a few minutes of debating Jon follows him, fully aware that he normally wouldn’t, that his door would be closed and he would acknowledge Martin coming in to place a mug of tea on his desk with little more than a murmured thanks. But he woke up with the fading memory of Martin close to him and was kind of disappointed that Martin did not come into his office to say good morning first thing today. At first he refused to consider that he was hoping for a good morning kiss, but he has been at the institute for hours already and has barely gotten anything done and he is now going to stop waiting for something to happen.</p>
<p>So he tries his best to play it off as casual and normal and no big deal at all when he walks into the break room, takes his tea and gives Martin that kiss. Even though his hands are shaking and he has to stop for a second just out of sight of the door to calm down and avoid spilling his tea. He didn’t dare to look at Martin’s face and thus did not see the mild shock and definite blush.</p>
<p>Jon spends the rest of the day waiting for Martin to come in and confront him about it, but he only picks up Jon’s mug to return it with fresh tea. He seems like he always does, slightly fussy and awkward in his constant concern for Jon’s wellbeing, but no sign of particular embarrassment or a guilty conscience. No more kisses either though and Jon worries that he will just let it slide and that will be the end of that. So he does it again as Martin is leaving. It’s just as nice as all the other times and Jon feels warm all over as he returns to his office and listens to Martin leave for the weekend.</p>
<p>He doesn’t think this is normal between coworkers, or even between friends. As distant as he often feels to the world, Jon is not actually that naïve. He knows that he likes Martin, but he feels unsure about what he would wish for from the relationship if he could wish for anything. He feels the burning awareness about how Martin feels about him, or at least how the others say he does behind their backs. And if he is honest with himself and the situation and puts some proper energy into thinking about it objectively, to the point that he gives himself a headache, he has to admit that Martin tends to go to more effort to anticipate and cater to Jon’s needs than he would expect in a platonic, if friendly work-place relationship. True, their work-place is not normal by any standards, but, no, the point is that Jon does not know how one develops romantic feelings, how one realises that one has those feelings, and certainly has no clue how one then comes to enter a romantic relationship. He feels like exchanging casual kisses when they had not even ever hugged before might be somewhat unconventional but for all he knows it could be a completely normal progression of things.</p>
<p>He doesn’t remember how Georgie and him got together, which might have given him at least some point of reference. But he was in a weird place throughout most of uni and some of his memories from that time are inaccurate at best. He thinks Georgie might have sat him down to talk about the thing between them one day which was the moment he even realised such a thing might even be possible and also something he wanted.</p>
<p>Maybe he should call her and ask her about it. He’s sure she would be kind and give him some sound advice that a normal person could put into effective practice. After she spent an inordinate amount of time laughing at him. And he doesn’t think he can face that right now, or face his feelings and where he wants them to grow to.</p>
<p>The only thing he is sure of is that he hopes that he can kiss Martin again next week. Maybe a hug would be nice. He also wouldn’t mind having lunch with him. Or something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The last time Martin was at the institute at this hour of the morning he was living in document storage. Normally, before leaving for work, he would spend more time making sure that his mother had everything she might need within easy reach and had all her immediate needs taken care of, but today he had to get out of the too small flat they now share as quickly as possible. He is happy to be able to support her, he really is. But since her condition started deteriorating further and she needs daily assistance and supervision she also became more vicious than ever. Martin can handle her constantly misgendering him where she at least tried somewhat before. It’s fine, really, she is not well and Martin is nothing if not patient. He knows how difficult new pronouns can be. But this weekend specifically he had been more distracted than usual and his mother, of course, noticed and did not take it well. That his thoughts would drift to Jon now and then is nothing new but after last Friday with the clear and fresh memory of Jon genuinely smiling at him, being near him, <em>kissing </em>him, he was a little beside himself which made him forgetful and clumsy. His mother always snaps and complains and when he finally saps the last of her patience for a day she is prone to spend hours dissecting every little thing about him and his life and where he continues to go wrong. It was easier to cope with when they had not lived together.</p>
<p>He is not surprised that Jon is already there when he comes into the archives. He was counting on it, hoping that he would be able to get a kiss good morning and feel a little better about everything. But the door to Jon’s office is closed and Martin can hear his voice intoning behind it. He lingers in front of the door for a moment, letting the elation of hearing Jon speak wash over him, before the slight discomfort that always creeps through the archives when Jon is reading a statement settles in and he turns to get started on his own workload.</p>
<p>When he cannot hear Jon’s muffled voice anymore, he gives it a few minutes and then knocks on his door softly. He does not wait long enough for a reply but opens the door quietly and peeks inside. Jon is sitting behind his desks which is strewn with paper, cassette tapes and two tape recorders that Martin can see. He steps into the room, carefully, ready to leave if Jon gives a hint of dismissal. But Jon is looking at him with only surprise and Martin drifts closer.</p>
<p>“Martin! You’re…” He looks around his desk aimlessly for a moment, then pulls his phone out from under a folder and taps it awake. “…quite early.”</p>
<p>“Yeah…”, he says, trailing off. Jon does not want to hear about his mother. They do not have that kind of relationship, he thinks. He is not sure what kind of relationship they have.</p>
<p>“How was your weekend?” Jon asks, as Martin is stepping around the desk and into his space and he is relaxed and looking up at him with his large brown eyes alert and attentive and he looks sweet, cute even. Martin makes a noncommittal noise and bends down to kiss him. He pulls away almost as soon as their lips have touched and straightens up.</p>
<p>“How was yours?”, he asks.</p>
<p>Jon shrugs and lets his gaze drift over the chaos on his desk. “Same as always, I suppose.”</p>
<p>He must have come into the institute on the weekend. Martin frowns and notes the dark circles under his eyes. He should have come in to help out, that is what he is for, <em>assisting. </em>Then Jon would not have had to work himself so hard, why must he always <em>do that</em>? Martin’s frown deepens with a twinge in his chest at the thought what his mother would have said if he had gone in to work on the weekend, to the job that she thinks he should quit because he is too good for it or the job is too good for him, he’s not sure anymore which one it is according to her. He sighs and forces himself to smile.</p>
<p>“I’ll make some tea?”</p>
<p>Jon nods and gets up. “Yeah, I could use a break.”</p>
<p>All thoughts of his mother pushed aside, Martin’s heart beats a little faster as they walk to the break room together. Jon rarely voluntarily takes breaks and usually seems content to let tea come to him via Martin. Especially after reading a statement he tends to be broody and shut in, quite literally in his office. To see him out of it without a frown and fairly relaxed brings a smile tugging at Martin’s mouth. Jon catches him looking and raises an eyebrow. Martin hastily shakes his head and walks on to the break room. His face is a little warm. He busies himself with making tea and rambling on about nothing in particular, half of his brain quietly imploring him to stop going on about what was on TV on the weekend.</p>
<p>But to his surprise Jon soon interjects: “Oh yeah, I think I caught some of that.”</p>
<p>Martin only stumbles over his words for a moment and suddenly they are having small talk, easy, even comfortable. Eventually he hands Jon a mug.</p>
<p>“Here we are. Careful with that.”</p>
<p>Jon smiles, open and on purpose. “Thank you, Martin.”</p>
<p>“Sure. Have you had breakfast?”</p>
<p>When Jon doesn’t reply he looks back at him from where he had turned to tend to his own tea. Jon is looking back towards his office with a hint of embarrassment.</p>
<p>“Jon?”</p>
<p>“I mean…”</p>
<p>Martin sighs, mostly exasperated, a little fond. At least he’s admitting to his unhealthy eating habits.</p>
<p>“Right. You want some? It’ll just be a minute.”</p>
<p>He only gets unintelligible mumbling in reply but he pulls the jam from the fridge and makes some toast anyway. Jon is watching him over the rim of his mug behind which he is hiding.</p>
<p>“Let me know if you need me to get you anything for lunch, okay?”, Martin says as he hands him a filled plate.</p>
<p>There is more colour in Jon’s cheeks now, but Martin hardly has time to wonder about that before Jon leans close to kiss him on the cheek. And they have done that before, chaste and brief, and the press of lips stays just a little longer than Martin expects it and Jon’s mouth feels warm against his skin from having pressed against his mug. When he draws back Jon lingers a hand’s width from Martin’s face. He has never had the chance to see Jon’s eyes from this close. They seem larger and softer than he remembers, the deep brown appears lighter from this angle and in this light. Martin opens his mouth and takes in a breath to say something, but Jon shifts his weight just enough to pull back to a nearly professional distance.</p>
<p>He lifts the plate and mug in his hands slightly.</p>
<p>“Thank you. Let me know when you’re going to have lunch? I’ll join you? If that’s okay?”</p>
<p>“Uh.. yeah! Okay! I mean, of course, absolutely!”</p>
<p>Martin clamps his mouth shut to stop himself from blabbering further but Jon just smiles and, god, he will never get used to seeing that and how warm it makes him feel. He thinks Jon hesitates again, stands there with his breakfast in his hands, looking at Martin, thinking of something to say, or waiting for Martin to say something. Martin wants to kiss him, even if it’s just to break up the awkwardness. Which is stupid. But he could. They have established that, apparently. He could just do that.</p>
<p>Jon turns and heads back to his office.</p>
<p>“Good, well, I’ll get back to it then.”</p>
<p>Martin clears his throat. “Oh. Yeah. Me- me too.”</p>
<p>As he stirs sugar into his tea he thinks that he should be feeling embarrassed. That whole interaction had been incredible awkward. Instead he feels the almost irresistible urge to giggle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The nervousness does not exactly abate, Martin’s pulse still speeds up every time Jon looks at him, but he does stop waiting for it to stop. Whenever the thought arises -that Jon will suddenly realise that he has had enough of him- he pushes it down. More often than not he will then make two cups of tea and sit with Jon for a few minutes until they are both empty, stealing one or the other kiss on the way in and out of his office.</p>
<p>Jon seems to always need to find a reason to press a kiss to Martin’s cheek or lips. The kisses for greetings and goodbyes have become a pleasant routine. But Martin is also spending a lot more time away from his desk, finding files and books and tapes for Jon. He likes to think that the work, the assisting the Archivist, that he’s doing is valued and important but often he thinks Jon only sent him to the library so that he can then meet him halfway around his desk and have his hands glide over Martin’s as he takes the book from him and kisses him to say thank you. He will then also say thank you, and Martin thinks the whole thing is a little bit silly, but he is glad that Jon found this workaround to keep kissing Martin and not feel too flustered about it. It is, however, also a highlight of his days to walk past Jon in the hallway or between the shelves of the archives or even as he is standing before Basira’s desk talking to her and stop to give him a kiss, just because and without any commentary other than the occasional ‘hello’. Because when Martin just comes up to him and shows him affection, Jon immediately loses his train of thought, blushes deeply and stammers for a moment while trying to get back to what he was doing and not stare after Martin.</p>
<p>They spend more time together in general. They eat lunch together most days, even if Jon usually does not finish his meal and says he will save the rest for later and Martin then finds it in the fridge the next day. Sometimes Jon will even stop at his desk for a minute just to chat. Martin tries to ignore the looks the others give them. Tim comes upon them in the break room a few times only to grimace and turn around. None of the others say anything but they will exchange glances and frown and Martin feels unreasonably embarrassed and then angry about being embarrassed. Whatever their relationship is now, it makes him happy and he is pretty sure it makes Jon happy too. And they deserve that. Whatever Tim or Melanie think even Jon deserves a little bit of that and Martin finds himself grinding his teeth a lot trying not to start shouting that at them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So.”</p>
<p>Martin looks up at Tim who has his arms crossed over his chest and is looking at him with that frown of barely restrained anger that he wears so often now.</p>
<p>“You and boss man?”</p>
<p>Martin has no idea how to respond to that except to fail in hiding his blush by looking back down at the files on his desk and shrugging weakly.</p>
<p>“I don’t get it.” Tim continues. “I know that you’ve liked him for a long time but honestly I kinda thought you would have gotten over that through all this bullshit.”</p>
<p>The hot feeling of embarrassment and elation Martin had felt a second ago disappears. Tim leans forward over his desk on the other side of the room.</p>
<p>“And honestly, Martin, I don’t like it. This, whatever it is you have going on, which seems weird to me anyway, I mean, do you see each other outside the institute? Does he even still leave? Do you have <em>dates</em>?”</p>
<p>Martin is grinding his teeth again. His knuckles are white and he stares at Tim in disbelieve. He knows Tim has grown bitter but he thought they were friends. The disdain rolling off him is like a slap in the face.</p>
<p>“He is <em>not </em>boyfriend material, Martin! He <em>stalked </em>us! He accused you of <em>murder</em>! You deserve better, even you must know that!”</p>
<p>“Good thing he is not my boyfriend then!”, Martin snaps and stands up, unsure if he plans to leave or cross the room to punch Tim in the face.</p>
<p>“You’re not- well, what the <em>fuck, </em>Martin!” Tim throws his hands up, leaning back in his chair. Before Martin can say anything else he continues to rant. “You know what? Whatever. I don’t even know why I’m upset about this. It doesn’t matter, you’re old enough to look after yourself if you would only choose to do so. I really shouldn’t care and I don’t. I don’t care. ”</p>
<p>There’s heavy silence as Tim refuses to look at him and Martin feels like he might start crying and he <em>really </em>does not want to start crying about Tim being deliberately cruel. It’s just that he thought they were friends. Instead he takes a deep breath and focuses on how Tim looks as haggard as Jon these days.</p>
<p>“Tim.”, he says quietly and Tim glances at him and looks away again, clearing his throat.</p>
<p>“Actually it’s really none of my business. Forget I said anything. I just… hope you know what you’re doing and.. sorry, okay?”</p>
<p>He makes to stand and leave.</p>
<p>“No, Tim, would you please listen to me for a moment?”</p>
<p>When Tim doesn’t move from his chair Martin sits back down.</p>
<p>“You’re right, okay? It is kind of weird, but it’s also really nice! Maybe we just needed a little bit of comfort and it just happened to be… this.” Tim purses his lips unhappily and Martin ventures on carefully. “I think, we are all in need of some comfort.”</p>
<p>That makes Tim snort. “I’m not gonna start kissing you. No offence.”</p>
<p>Martin laughs awkwardly. “Er… no, obviously. I just meant…”</p>
<p>“No, I know what you meant.” Tim sighs. “And I’m glad if you’re happy. I am.”</p>
<p>“Well, you don’t sound like it.”</p>
<p>“Yeah… I’m sorry for that too.”</p>
<p>Martin follows his gaze to what is now Basira’s desk and used to be Sasha’s and neither of them says anything else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jon is sitting on the floor between shelves in a far corner of the archives. There’s an open box with its contents spread out before him and he is leafing through old and completely unsorted statements, skimming the pages, and looking for something that <em>feels right.</em> He’s not sure exactly how long he’s been here when at some point he becomes peripherally aware of somebody’s footsteps among the shelves. He tenses for a moment before realising that it’s Martin, softly shuffling here and there and only gradually coming closer. He hums softly when he finds Jon and comes to sit down next to him. Then he leans over and rests his head on Jon’s shoulder.</p>
<p><em>Ah</em>, Jon thinks, <em>this is new. </em></p>
<p>He tries to turn his head very carefully so as not to jostle him and look at his face. He can’t quite at this angle but he thinks his eyes might be closed. He seems relaxed, his hands resting in his lap. He is heavy on Jon’s shoulder, Jon thinks it must be uncomfortable, but it’s nice and warm, so he stays very still.</p>
<p>He wonders if something happened, if Martin is upset. He’s not usually quiet around Jon and rather prone to rambling, although that has lessened a bit actually. Martin seems calmer somehow these days. He has been full of smiles as long as Jon has known him but when directed at Jon they are rarely nervous and put-on now; they are quiet and warm and a lot like this moment.</p>
<p>Trying to convince himself that he is not nervous about this, worried that Martin will suddenly pull away if Jon moves in the wrong way, he is <em>not</em>, he carefully puts a hand on Martin’s thigh next to him. Then Martin does move and Jon’s heart beats too hard in his chest. He shifts his head against Jon’s shoulder a little and Jon can feel Martin’s hair brushing against the side of his face and then Martin’s hand is covering his. Jon still feels frozen and the moment feels so charged it’s unfair and he hates it. So he quickly turns his hand over on Martin’s leg and grabs his hand tightly, intertwining their fingers. Martin squeezes his hand and turns his head to press a kiss to Jon’s shoulder. Jon wants to laugh with how light it makes him feel and how that kind of makes him want to cry. Instead he kisses the top of Martin’s head and quickly goes back to flipping through the statement file in his lap.</p>
<p>They sit there for a while in comfortable silence broken only by the shuffling of paper and Jon relaxes by degrees. Should he ask Martin if something is wrong? How his day has been so far? What he is thinking about? Jon shakes his head minutely. He can just sit here, with Martin, and not try to get all the answers out of him immediately. It’s nice, it’s comfortable, he wants to keep that. And when Martin wants to talk about whatever happened, if something happened at all, if something is really wrong and he needs Jon, he will tell him. Surely. It’s fine. He leans his cheek agains Martin’s head.</p>
<p>And then he opens a file and has to suppress a full body shiver. This is one of the real ones and he needs to record it and he can barely stand to sit still for a minute longer.</p>
<p>Martin carefully extracts his hand from where Jon suddenly realises he has been gripping it much too tightly.</p>
<p>“Sorry.”, he mutters as he scrambles to follow Martin to standing, stretching his fingers nervously and clutching the file to his chest.</p>
<p>The guilt over having ruined the moment only adds to his sudden complete discomfort and he can barely bring himself to look at Martin whose gaze is steady on him.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?”, Martin asks gently.</p>
<p>Jon pulls his face into a smile and shifts his weight. “Yes. Of course, I just, you know, work to do.” He waves the file around vaguely.</p>
<p>“Sure.” Martin lets out a small sigh and Jon almost flinches. “Shall I get to filing these away then?”</p>
<p>The other files from the box are still strewn across the floor. Jon clears his throat.</p>
<p>“Er, yes, that would be- would be good. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s kind of my job.” Martin laughs awkwardly and Jon wants to kiss him so badly, that might make them both feel better. But he cannot bring himself to close the distance between them and do it, so he just stands there, avoiding Martin’s eyes.</p>
<p>Martin’s voice is gentle again when he asks: “Do you want me to make you a cup of tea when you’re done with that?”</p>
<p>Jon takes a deep breath and looks at Martin. He does not seem upset. He is patiently waiting for a reply and nods and smiles when Jon says: “I would appreciate that very much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tim’s knocks have always been perfunctory but on the rare occasions that he comes into Jon’s office these days he just opens the door abruptly and strides in. Jon suspects he is hoping to catch him doing something shady, which is fair, he supposes.</p>
<p>Tim pulls a chair to the opposite side of his desk and sits down, arms crossed, brows drawn, and eyes fixed on Jon.</p>
<p>Jon turns off the tape recorder and leans back with a weary sigh.</p>
<p>“Hello, Tim. Do you need something?”</p>
<p>Tim ignores his question. “You know, I used to root for you. Used to hope you and Martin would figure things out. Thought he would be good for you.”</p>
<p>Jon rubs his eyes. He really needs that tea that Martin promised.</p>
<p>“What the fuck are you doing, Sims? What is it you are actually playing at?”</p>
<p>He frowns at Tim. “I’m sorry?”</p>
<p>“Apparently Martin is of the impression that you two are <em>not </em>a thing. Which, honestly, I would be glad because you fucking know he deserves better.”</p>
<p>He points at Jon who thinks he should be offended but honestly Tim is probably right. Martin deserves clarity at least, and not this un-negotiated mess that they are engaging in.</p>
<p>“But you sure are acting a lot like <em>fucking </em>boyfriends and you <em>know </em>how hung up he is on you, I know you do.”</p>
<p>Jon swallows. Tim is leaning forward and almost looming over him now and while he still wants to believe he wouldn’t hurt him, he cannot help but note how much physically stronger Tim is than him. He forces his voice to be calm and steady.</p>
<p>“Tim. It’s not… I’m not leading him on or anything. I mean I- I wasn’t even the one who-“</p>
<p>“No. I don’t care. Martin is maybe the only good person in this whole goddamn place and if you don’t treat him like he deserves, if you <em>hurt him</em>, I <em>will</em> fucking kill you. You better sort this out before he gets too invested in whatever this is that you’re doing.”</p>
<p>Tim stands up and glares at him. “Martin doesn’t do casual, Jon. He deserves to be someone’s <em>first </em>priority and since you are <em>fucking </em>incapable of putting anyone other than yourself first ever, you better figure this out.”</p>
<p>And then he leaves and Jon is staring at the door that he slammed shut after himself.</p>
<p>He’s so tired. And Tim is right, isn’t he? Martin has always been nothing but kind and Jon really never deserved it. And now he is… what? Letting him think that he’s just a pastime to Jon? Making him wait for Jon to commit? And Tim is also right in that he cannot do that, doesn’t know how to, he’s never been… good… at that.</p>
<p>He sighs and buries his face in his hands when the door opens. He doesn’t want to look up. He does not have the energy to fight with Tim.</p>
<p>But it’s Martin, of course. And he closes the door quietly and sets two cups of tea down on Jon’s desk, before coming around to him and putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Hey. Are you all right? I saw Tim coming in here, is everything okay?”</p>
<p>Jon straightens up and leans away slightly in what he hopes is an inconspicuous manner. Martin lets his hand drop to his side and he looks worried. Jon picks up his tea.</p>
<p>“Everything is fine. Thank you, Martin.”</p>
<p>He sips the tea and avoids looking up at Martin who is still standing next to him.</p>
<p>“Jon? Did Tim say something?”</p>
<p>He coughs from the still too hot tea and shakes his head.</p>
<p>“No, nothing… it’s not important. Thank you for the tea. You can- I have work to do, so…”</p>
<p>At that Martin does take a step back and Jon’s stomach hurts.</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, of course, I…” He trails off and takes a few hesitant steps towards the door but stops again and does not leave. “Jon? What did Tim say to you?”</p>
<p>“Martin, please. Don’t worry about it.”</p>
<p>There’s silence and when Jon looks up Martin is frowning at him, arms crossed over his chest.</p>
<p>“No. No, I think I’d quite like to know.”</p>
<p>The mug in Jon’s hands is still too hot to be comfortable but he doesn’t let go. He has no idea how to say this, so he just stares at Martin for a few moments while thinking about how nice it was to kiss him. When he is silent for too long Martin continues. He still sounds terse but there is the hint of a tremor to his voice.</p>
<p>“You know, I kind of expected this to happen eventually. I just can’t figure out why you look so sad about it.”</p>
<p>“What-“</p>
<p>“Tim told me you’re not boyfriend material.”</p>
<p>Jon has to look away. He can feel himself blushing.</p>
<p>“Well, he’s right, I’m not.”, he mumbles, letting go of the mug.</p>
<p>Martin snorts. Jon glares at him, face burning.</p>
<p>“I’m <em>not</em>! I can’t give you what you want, Martin!”</p>
<p>“And how do you know what I want?”</p>
<p>“Well, I can’t give you what you deserve!”</p>
<p>He’s suddenly on his feet and Martin blinks at him. Then he starts <em>smiling.</em></p>
<p>“That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”</p>
<p>“Yes, well, case in point then.”, Jon says.</p>
<p>He sits back down, thoroughly embarrassed and done with this conversation. He wishes Martin would just take his point and leave him to feel sorry for himself.</p>
<p>Martin sighs and comes back around the desk to stand right next to him.</p>
<p>“Jon, look… If you are uncomfortable with anything between us, please tell me and I will leave you alone.” He takes a deep breath. “But I’m not. I have no idea where we can take this but, well… neither of us are in a position to commit to a serious relationship right now. I don’t hold that against you.”</p>
<p>Jon looks up at him with a pained expression on his face.</p>
<p>“Would you want that?”</p>
<p>Martin shrugs. “If things were different, if they were <em>normal</em>, yeah, maybe, probably.” His cheeks are a bit pink now but he holds Jon’s gaze with intent. “But right now, in this reality? I want nothing more than you are able to give, Jon.”</p>
<p>They stare at each other for another tense moment, before Jon carefully wraps his fingertips around Martin’s hand and holds it very lightly. Martin lets out a breath and leans down to kiss him and it’s warm and reassuring and lasts longer than their kisses usually do. Jon is still frowning when they part.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you’re happy with this?”</p>
<p>Martin laughs and his smile crinkles his eyes.</p>
<p>“Yes, Jon, very.”</p>
<p>And he kisses him again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have been thinking about writing a sequel to this but I want to see how the podcast ends first :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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